La Mamounia
Where "Home" also means $£€¥
Look, I know what you're thinking.
Starting a blog dedicated to honest, no-bullshit reviews with La Mamounia is like Victoria Backham’s « normal people » in the parental Rolls-Royce. But life's short, and sometimes you need to face-plant into luxury face-first to remember what you're fighting for.
Let's get this out of the way: La Mamounia is expensive. The kind of expensive that makes you wonder if they accidentally added your room number to the bill (Untrue: we were in room #127 and definitely paid more than that, but I like that joke).
The vibe here isn't just luxurious; it's something deeper. While other five-star hotels feel like museums where you're afraid to touch the furniture, La Mamounia feels like the home you'd have if you were a mysterious wealthy aunt who collected art and secrets in equal measure. The kind of place where you could pad around in your slippers at 3 AM and run into someone wearing a tuxedo, and somehow neither of you would feel out of place.
The pool – oh, the pool. Remember that scene in every movie where the protagonist finally "makes it"? That's what swimming here feels like. It's surrounded by enough palm trees to make California jealous, and I half-expected Gatsby to show up with cocktails.
But the real magic? The staff. Especially the housekeeping team, who somehow master that impossible balance of being invisible and omnipresent simultaneously. It's like having extremely talented ninjas who specialize in perfect hospital corners and knowing exactly when you need fresh towels.
And then there are the gardens. Sweet mother of photosynthesis, the gardens. Imagine if Paradise had a Pinterest board. Citrus trees, ancient olive groves, and rose bushes that make you understand why people write poetry. I got lost three times, and each time I found something that made me grateful for my poor sense of direction. Ever been in a side quest in the world's most beautiful video game? I did.
F*Yeah Certified 👍🏼
Yes, it's indulgent. Yes, it's probably more than your car payment. But sometimes you need to be reminded what happens when humans decide to absolutely nail the art of hospitality. La Mamounia isn't just a hotel.
Just don't look at your credit card statement for at least a week after checkout. Trust me.
Website: https://mamounia.com/en/
Email: informations@mamounia.com